Tuesday, October 5, 2010

my father is 87 years old.

he is failing- fell last year and broke his hip, survived but cannot walk very much without a walker...

has fallen again, because he forgets/is too stubborn to use his walker...

the week i spent with him last summer was hard.

he's never been the easiest person to be around, and he doesn't particularly like me, i don't think.

all i have to do is open my mouth, and he's off- ranting, shouting, gesturing wildly, rebuking, threatening, scolding.

that's ok.

nothing has changed since i was a kid.

i do love him, and i miss the dad who was manic a lot of the time and disappeared when he was depressed.

this old man who is frustrated, peevish, and growing weaker by the day is difficult for me to handle.

my mother was gone in such a short time; dad has hung on for so long.

i don't know how my brother paul does it- seeing him twice a week, doing all his business affairs, keeping his doctor's appointments and making sure he's cared for.

i would lose my mind.

where, oh where, has my daddy gone?

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