Monday, October 11, 2010
her little face is as delicious as her name. all of her is just delectable.
bright eyes, delicate nose, perfect teeth, sweet little tender lips, petite limbs, soft hair, and that smile.
that "tear your heart out" smile.
this child was abandoned on our doorstep 5 years ago, along with her siblings catherine and alex.
she's grown up in our children's institution. loved, to be sure, fed, clothed, cared for, but not in a family.
we are just now "de-institution-alizing" her.
for all of these sweet smiles, there are hours of silence, hours of sullen quietness, hours of inexplicable sadness when she retreats into a silent world where none of us can reach her.
happiness is rare for this little one.
abandonment issues have tied her up on the inside, making laughter and ease an unfamiliar companion.
yet she'll run at me full speed and throw herself at me with arms outstretched as if to say, "grab me while you can, i'm out of control"...and i do. i hold her. i love her. i kiss her.
but nothing will ever make up for the mother's love she never had. nothing can replace the arms that should have held her while she was so tiny, helpless, and needy.