Monday, March 29, 2010

two of my little granddaughters have blogs. at the ripe old ages of 8 and 10, respectively.

i am so proud of them. they are learning to write, to express themselves, to be funny...and it just does my old heart good. i am a writer after all.

i began writing poetry when i was about 12.

i have the same hope for them- in addition to other things of course, and according to their natural "bents". no pressure.

but oh, the sweet sweetness of words.

so good to read what they write.

rock on, muffy and muffy! (both of their nicknames, strangely enough!)

Saturday, March 27, 2010

"the fort"- made of chairs, blankets, pillows, etc- that took up the whole living room!

it's amazing how much fun the kids had in this place of imagination and freedom.

and i let them keep it there for 3 whole days!

fun times...

Friday, March 26, 2010

some of my grandson jason's photos for his first photography exhibit which will be in australia to raise awareness and support for Gentle Hands.

and yes, i'm a very proud grandma. :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

i seriously want to get out of this high-rise.

especially today, after my chair rocked and rolled due to a teeny tiny earthquake. (6.2 at the epicenter)

yes, we live on the ring of fire.

yes, we're probably due for a big one.

we are in the process of an actual house, as opposed to the 6th floor condo we have lived in for 9 years. (i knew there was a reason!)

our last earthquake of consequence bounced our bed around the room for about half a minute. no damage to the house other than cracks in the walls...but it was scary.

the ring of fire is restless.

the planet groans.

maranatha, Lord.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

you know takes discipline to blog daily, or even frequently. many days i open up this little white box and think:

"i don't have anything to say..."

"i have something to say, but it can't be said on the world wide web..."

"i am not in the mood to write..."

etc, etc, etc.


a writer writes.


my little girl has had a relapse of the flu. maybe i'll take her to the doctor tomorrow.

lots of wonderful developments in our lives- plans, fulfillments, progress in some areas after many years of waiting...

i do have things to write.

i'm just plain lazy, i guess.

i get tired of reading the blogs with the give-aways...the "so how many of you have days when you don't feel like writing..." questions...

in fact, i get tired of reading blogs.

but i'm addicted.

sort of.

this is a dumb post.


i'll press "publish" and let the world see how seriously jaded my brain is today. must be the flu. me and emma (yes, i know that's a grammatical error but i like the way it sounds) both have it. cough cough cough.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

when i was a little girl, i would lay on my back in the grass for hours almost every summer day and look at the clouds.

they fascinated me.

white, clean, puffy, beautiful clouds.

my heart would soar with hope and faith, looking up into the blue manitoba sky and watching the shapes of the morning cotton-puff clouds, or the massive bubbling build-up of the inevitable thunderheads of those hot august afternoons.

today, out in the "country" (or what we here in this land call the province) i had just a bit of that same childhood inner joy- that shimmering dance of hope in the heart that is triggered by the beauty of nature.

everyone should be able to see from sky to sky...from horizon to horizon...once in a while.

it gives hope.

it makes you realize that a great hand designed the world around us...every blade of grass, every tiny field flower, every little creekbed, and every beautiful, white, fluffy cloud.

Monday, March 22, 2010

i love this picture of my dad. a rare smile- the fingerpointing...he's obviously holding forth on something he feels strongly about.

he never was one to hold back.

i have tapes in my head to this day of his voice.

"Uldene. take life seriously."

"Uldene. use discretion in your comings and goings."

"Uldene. foolishness, foolishness."

always with my name said with a FULL STOP after it.


Sunday, March 21, 2010

i felt very sorry for this "giant". there is a price to be paid for tallness.

extreme scoliosis, pain. walking with a cane. being stared at and mobbed. a freak show.

poor man. i think of him once in a while and thank God that i am not out of the ordinary in any way.

it's good to be ordinary.

if you know what i mean.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

what better way to spend a day than snuggling a little one who's not feeling well...her hot little body limp and still against mine...eyes half closed...pretty little black head hung sideways like a drooping flower on a frail stalk...


and finally, after a long long day, the little voice begins to chirp and my heart leaps up from its knees and rejoices. Thank You, God, You are the Healer of little children.

I think of the mothers I know for whom this struggle has gone on for year after year...the anguish of watching a child suffer...

and I pray for them, for the grace that I do not have, because that is not my road.

I pray for grace for other, nameless struggles that they do not have.

to each of us, the road of pain and struggle.

And to each of us, grace.

Friday, March 19, 2010


little faces, little hearts, little lives.

each one precious and important.

pray for them.

help them.

guide them.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

i haven't posted for 5 days because i've had my grandkids here on their spring break.

they are leaving tonight.

the house will be quiet, and tidy, and i will not have to be breaking up fights every few minutes.

there will no longer be a "fort" made of pillows, blankets, chairs, a pop-out tent, and a crawl tube that takes up ALL the space in the livingroom.

nobody will be walking around with andy the rooster petting him and feeding him garlic.

nobody will be playing with the dogs constantly and causing dogfights. (our dogs don't get along)

i won't have to bake cookies every single day.

i won't have to take them to the swimming pool, or on drives, or to the mall, or on walks, to make sure they aren't "bored".

no more games of our antique Generosity, hands down the best board game of all time because it teaches you how to store your treasure in heaven.

no more clutter, shoes everywhere, artwork scattered in every room, and all tv's blaring.

no more going for chocolate icecream at ministop every afternoon.

me and emma will go back to our quiet life of books, hours of uninterrupted play time, and once in a while a quiet walk.

it's been a great week. i love these kids. it's a privilege to have them here. i hope they had fun too.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

little me

this is me, age 2. i love the little innocent face, the deep wondering eyes, the tentative eyebrows, the finger to the mouth as if holding back a thought.

this is me.

before the world changed me.

i look at this picture, then i ask, "where did you go, little girl?"

and the answer comes softly from deep within..."i'm here... i'm just waitin'..."

my little self. i love you.

over the decades, this child has remained in her hiding place, waiting, watching, whispering way back in the corners of my mind.

she's aware, and so am i- now.

we grow together. we commune. we love each other.

someone said to me the other day, after they met their little self for the first time, "this is really weird."

i quite agree.

but it's real.

just because we grow up, doesn't mean the little one does. the parts of us that get left behind because of pain or trauma are there waiting for acknowledgement, for healing, for courage that we hold out to them. and the HEALER stands in the shadows, quiet and gentle, hands outstretched, to bring us together.

it's really weird. it's REALly weird.

and that's ok.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

color aware.

there is no such thing as "color blind".

those of us who have children with a different skin tone than we the parents, are becoming less of a rarity nowadays, especially with China adoptions, Ethiopia adoptions, and now Haitian adoptions.

we've adopted twice before, but always children with our skin color.

this is different.

more stares. more questions. some smiles. some raised eyebrows. no more "color blindness".

in researching about this, i've learned that it's important to talk about it. as opposed to ignoring it and pretending we're all the same.

we're not. our outsides are different.

my little girl has black hair, almond shaped eyes, and dark brown skin.

i have brownish-red hair, blue eyes, and white/freckled skin.

daddy has hazel eyes and brown hair (precious little of it!) and very freckely skin.

but daddy and i look the same, and she does not.


but it's not ok to ignore it.

when we adopted emma, our grandson jason (who is also BROWN and adopted) said, "i'm so glad i'm not the only brown one in the family!" ah. so there it is.

we have to recognize our differences and talk about them, and hopefully defuse the self-esteem issues that could follow.

being brown is beautiful, we tell emma. you have beautiful BROWN skin. some of your friends have brown skin, or black skin. some have white skin. it's OK TO BE DIFFERENT...but there are differences.

children who never learn to see, and love, the differences, will be afraid, embarrassed, and possibly feel inferior, to the majority.

our prayer is that she learns that BROWN is beautiful, WHITE is beautiful, BLACK is beautiful. and it's all ok.

i snipped this from the blog of a mom with two adopted BROWN/BLACK kids...and i plan to get the book she refers to.

How to Raise a Racist
Step One: Don’t talk about race. Don’t point out skin color. Be “color blind.”
Step Two: Actually, that’s it. There is no Step Two.
Congratulations! Your children are well on their way to believing that [insert your race here] is better than everybody else.

What NurtureShock discovered, through various studies, was that most white parents don’t ever talk to their kids about race. The rule is that because we want our kids to be color-blind, we don’t point out skin color. We’ll say things like “everybody’s equal” but find it hard to be more specific than that. If our kids point out somebody who looks different, we shush them and tell them it’s rude to talk about it.
It's kind of like the sex talk. If we never talk to our kids about sex, they are gonna have to figure it out on their own. Which will probably lead to some not-so-great influences filling in their gaps of knowledge.
So talk to your kids about race. Please. Have an ongoing and frank conversation, and observe their interactions with children who are different. Assume that they will have biases, and confront them when they emerge. Before another humiliated child becomes a public object lesson."

so there ya go. always on a learning curve.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

andy the rooster

seen here, preening his fast-growing white feathers, is losing his pink. emma still loves him.

daddy not so much.

he (andy, not daddy) is still living in our spare bathroom. he has graduated to rice instead of chickmeal, and still fighting/playing with his imaginary friend in the mirror. sad, really.

he still jumps into people's laps when they use the toilet.

i find this funny.

people not so much.

ah, life.

Saturday, March 6, 2010


i don't like horses. long story. many accidents. injured neck. ETC.

however, my little girl took her first horsie ride this week and she loved it! chewed her gum and hummed all thru it.

thanks, ate brittany, for taking emma on her first horsie ride!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

40 years.

my dear sweetheart and i have been sleeping together for 40 years. in beds of many shapes, sizes, and values.

the worst was a horsehair fold-out couch in our early years, whoever was on the back side would slide down onto the bigger part. it was uncomfortable and scratchy and we didn't care a bit.

fussier now, though, in our old age.

our 40th anniversary present to ourselves, with some help from kids, is this.

a keepsake that shall be handed down with joy to future generations. a kingsized bed of carved indian wood.

it's on its way from india right now! i shall buy a lovely soft foam mattress, top it with my memory foam, enfold it in white linen sheets, and sleep in luxury and beauty.


Monday, March 1, 2010

emergency room

saturday night, 11 pm, i woke from a sound sleep with a pounding heart and a feeling like i could not breathe.

waited for it to go away.

went out to the living room, tried to watch tv, no improvement.

woke up dennis to pray for me. sitting there on the side of the bed, i really couldn't hardly get my breath. (yes, i know that's a double negative.)

finally, i started to panic a bit and woke him up again and said "honey, i need to go to the hospital".

fortunately, we are only 5 minutes away.

i honestly don't remember what happened. it's like a dream. i kept longing for my bed at home. i was cold. i was miserable. i was scared.

i guess they did a quick ECG and it was normal. the sweet little doctor said i should go off caffeine and follow up with a cardiologist. which i will do. then we came home.

for the next 24 hours, i felt awful. throbbing in my throat, headache. tired. just awful.

today, i feel better. perhaps it was just a caffeine overdose.


good health is a treasure.